It's been a while since I've posted, so obviously its just time to do so! So its a start of a new year and I feel like I'm becoming Jim Carey from "Yes Man"; basically I'm saying yes to new things, new experiences, and seeing where they lead me.
For starters I have been talked into doing a 10k in April with some friends. I'm certainly not big on running- in fact, I've always hated it! Most of the time it just hurt my knee and got nasty shin splits... on top of not being able to breathe haha. I started last week running and so far so good, definitely need to build up my endurance. Today I ran 3 miles though and it felt really good! My body just seems soo much happier with me!
The past couple Sunday's at church Jonathan has really been talking about giving thing to God, how he wants to use us, discovering that, allowing God to speak to you. Those messages have spoken so strongly inside of me that I really don't feel its been possible to deny God's spirit moving in those moments in my life. Right now I feel I am in a place where I KNOW that God wants to us me for big things, not minor things that don't mean anything, but significant things.... I just don't know the details, the how, the why, when, or what I am suppose to do. It's exciting, but it places me on edge because I feel terrified that I am going to have the opportunity pass me by, that I may end up missing the opportunity. I keep telling myself that is just Satan's way of creating anxiety into my life, trying to distract me, and discourage me. I really need to spend more time in prayer about this, not just hoping that it just lands in my lap one Sunday.
To get honest for a few, I have really been struggling lately with just feeling that I deserve certain things. I have screwed up, a lot, many times over, messed up loads of good things in my life. I feel that I have created a history of self sabotage, basically destroying the good things that happen to me. Granted, in retrospect, I feel that those things I thought at the time were GREAT, were really only good; but not God's BEST. I was having a tough time on the way to work the other day, just down on myself, beating myself up for decisions I've made, decisions I should have made, and then comes Chuck Swindoll over the radio, talking about Peter. Immediately I just felt so overwhelmed with emotion, God KNEW exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. He knew that I needed to hear a story about a man that screwed up BIG TIME, but he was offered redemption and was able to accomplish so many great and wonderful things that even our minds can't comprehend or dream of the stuff that Peter did- he walked on water! I realize I am impulsive like Peter too. Yesterday at church scripture was shared from Ephesians 3:20-
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,
3/20 is my birthday, and that spoke loudly to me yesterday, just resonating something deep inside of me that had never been awakened. I can't even wrap my mind around what I felt, nor would I try to.
In short God is doing a lot of really awesome things in my life that I can not comprehend, but I know he's going to complete whatever he has started. I am thankful the subtle reminders that he gives me to let me know that he still loves me, wants me to succeed, and is not going to hold back his best for me based on my past.
Goodnight :)
