I haven't written on here in quiet a while. Certainly a lot has taken place in my life since then, some things worth mentioning, others not. I just got back from a wedding in Pa, my good friend Joey got married to a really great Godly woman. I had the honor of being the best man, even though I certainly don't feel like it.
In my life we find ourselves being a fool for many reasons; sticking aluminum foil in the microwave, some have too much to drink and hurt themselves, others insult people and embarass themselves, then their are some that are a fool for love. Taking the blind faith of trust and hoping that love can conquer anything that comes in the way, a fool for a great cause. We never feel like a fool until it all fails and crumbles beneathe us, slaps us in the face repeatedly, feels like sand being kicked in our face as it scratches our eyes and no matter what u do you can't numb the pain.
Today I feel like a fool for regrets. For believing that jus because I isolated myself as an island that my actions didn't hurt those around me. I now get a chance to really be the fool; just thinking about all of the bad choices and mistakes that i have made that have done nothing but come full circle to crush me. I certainly feel what goes around comes around. God, I'm listening. I'm learning whatever it is that you have to show me, my heart is open to you despite all the pain that I'm feeling inside. I just hope that my heart will atleast continue to breathe, continue to feel and not completely shut down, I feel it closing up with every day that passes by. Father, I need your strength to support me and to resist these walls that my heart wants to build, I want you to be the one that perserves me. I want peace. I want love. I want all the blessings that you have for me that i have consistently denied from you. I want to be your servant.
