Determined to Overcome: My Churchly Frustration

So over a year ago I found myself in quite the crossroads; where I had to choose between the path inwhich I was heading (a miserable self-destructive relationship), or walk away in hopes of finding something, anything, that would bring peace to my life. Being someone who looks to others for wisdom, I sought out the advice from a well respected council at Thomas Road Baptist Church. Here, is where I found myself more hurt and confused than before I stepped into his office.

The first words out of this man's mouth were "Real Men Don't Leave". I came to this man for advice, reassurance, validation. Instead this man takes the first opportunity to cut me off at the knees and further destroy an Ego that I was soo strongly trying to restore, after being beaten down as a man for years. I thought this person would offer me hope, lift my spirits up, show me who I was through my creator, God. Instead he preceeds to tell me how hard his first year of marriage was; as he was married to a former Miss USA. His stories were heart wrenching, no man likes being yelled at while vaccuuming. I found myself feeling as if I was put on trial, guilty before proven innocent. I do realize that his position does require him to encourage couples to stay together, to fight through it all because they had taken a vow to God. Although his stance was accurrate; his message lost love, hope, compassion.

I further prayed to God to give me some kind of assitance in my current crisis; I made the decision to walk out of that marriage, to step out into a place where I was left to fend completely for myself. But most importantly, a place where I felt that no matter what, no matter who, NO ONE could keep me from following the desire to serve the God that LOVED ME FIRST. As time went by God continued to bring peace and redemption to my life; finding myself connected to the most amazing woman I had ever met (Jessica), as well as her family, healing my spirit and character from the inside out. I found myself beginning to act like a MAN. Someone who had a purpose, someone who had value to his life. No one can truly understand what it is like to not feel like a man unless you have been there, but in short; you feel worthless and completely incompetent in no matter what you do...... So REAL men don't leave eh? Real men also don't stay in the fire to needlessly sacrifice themselves either.

Why am I ranting about this now? Well, this morning as Jessica and I were making our way out of church we were approached by this man and his wife. Here I am, leaving excited about the message, about how God delivers people from certain death, from the Lions Den, when you are faithful and trust in him. I had made some great decision where I refused to compromise any longer; one of which was leaving the band I had been playing with for about 2 months.

This man proceeds to tell me how when we "try to fix a fix a fix a fix", that it takes God that much longer to work and fix our lives. I was so outraged!!!! He basically told me further how big of a mistake I had made by leaving Melinda.... as I stand there beside the most amazing woman that I have ever come across that has been such a healing for me... this man tried to take away from that! I swear to you I wanted to punch him right in the mouth! I could not believe that audacity of this man to tell me what was right and wrong for me. I spent the ride home in tears; outraged, frustrated, wronged, filled with doubt.... all of this because a man that could have been happy for me decides to tell me how I have screwed up.... Screw you man, screw you!

I know that I was no angel in my marriage to Melinda and I certainly made a fair shair of my mistakes; I am not taking away from that. But seriously, a minor scolding about how you don't know how to vaccuum?!? Before you read this, this could be quite personal and read at your own risk........

THIS SECTION HAS BEEN DELETED (after careful review felt it was too personal to be public).... your welcome mother


So Mr. WHOM I will not say, I have OVERCOME 100xs the crap that you will ever have to deal, and I will continue to overcome life's obstacles, my bad decisions. But I refuse to be disrespected and have my pride stripped from anyone other than my Creator, Savior, Merciful Giver; Jesus Christ. I answer to him and only him. I will pray daily for you, for I do not want those who aren't as secure as I am to take your ill guided tongue lashing blabber and feel more pathetic for themselves than they already do. Christ gives Life, Love, Peace.

Peace.

I am entitled to OVERCOME.

Holden Beach Update :)

Col 3:23- Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men......

So I am relaxing down at my favorite place in the world, Holden Beach, N.C. We had quite the bumpy road though getting here mainly because the house we were suppose to rent got double booked!- and we got shafted! So we managed to find another place; which is actually quite nicer in my opinion.

Tonight we all (myself, my mom, David, Jessica, and Cecil) went surf fishing this evening; quite the blast I must say. I found myself getting quite frustrated early though, often reeling my line in without any bait! One time my line actually snapped!...grrrr.. So Jessica and I were fishing side by side, thinking that we were tangled, but instead pulled two fish in..... mine was a Lady Fish... how queer is that right? Jessica proved to be quite the fisher"lady" tonight, only her 2nd time out there and caught four fish... and a crab :) Shes's a special one :)

This was my catch of the evening; a 7lb Red Drum. Jessica and I were talking and I thought I got a bite, thought I set the hook...... but then my line went completely slack! My thought was "AHHHH my line broke, AGAIN!"... As I make my way back up the beach my line just takes off... woohoo, I got a fish! As I try reeling this bad boy in the winder on the reel breaks! So I'm running up the beach yelling for help because I can't real, thankfully I am able to drag this sucker in haha.... This provided major redemption to my evening :)

So David manages to snag a 14lb Black Tip shark. Apparently he put up quite the fight for him too. It was pretty cool to see this sized shark; we guessed had to be about 3.5-4 feet long.... I guess there is not reason to explain why David was grinning!

So Jess and I had a great time fishing together and I am really thankful that we have been given this time to spend together... I say this as she is sitting next to me.... but hey, she updated her blog too! :) I guess I should go spend some time with her! Adios folks!